You know, an important thing to remember when dealing with people you’ve known your whole life, or a good portion of it, is that they have things going on inside too. Sometimes you gotta get the congestion out by venting.
I fancy myself a very observant person, to the point that I can almost read a persons mind, given that I’m aware of their thought process and, for the most part, daily interactions. Often time though a person will refuse to identify the fact that I’ve acknowledged exactly what is going on inside of them.
People want so badly to hide from the world the troubles and turmoil that are roiling inside them. Often times, in contradictory fashion, their outward expressions and actions betray the fact that what they really want to do is just to let it all out.
I think they feel some, unjustified, sense of guilt if they let someone inside their head to know their suffering. Maybe they feel a sense the world is too hectic and chaotic for everyone in modern times to the extent that theirs is a burden not deserved to be shouldered by anyone but themselves.
And when they do decide to let it out, it is usually to someone who is going to listen and only give answers and advice that is conducive only to that which the self wants to hear, avoiding at all costs the people who are going to give us the cold hard facts.
Or they don’t share and simply explode in some melting fashion.
I’m a person who wants only what is. I want the raw data, the bad news first. I want to vent to a person who’s going to listen and then shoot from the hip with reason and example.
There was a time when I overheard a conversation where someone was telling someone else that I am a sociopath. This couldn’t be further from the truth because I am one of the most passionate, feeling people I know.
In retrospect, I think what was deemed to be sociopathic behavior and thought was just my cold, hard, seemingly callous way of approaching a situation or dilemma systematically and retracting my emotion into the recesses of my subconscious mind so as to avoid making a brash decision or give unwarranted, unclear or unnecessary advice.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not infallible. In the last decade I’ve lost focus and interest, lost myself into misanthropic mentalities, (much like a great portion of you have), but i strive not to repeat mistakes and find something to live for; something to love.
There was a time when I too would hold all that was swirling inside of me inside of me, refusing to let anyone in. The consequence of those times is incomprehensible to anyone who’s not walked with me through thick and thin for the better part of, at the very least, the last six years. I know now that I cannot hold it in. I’ve got to find a way to let it out.
I have things that I do like journaling, art, writing, etc. which help considerably. But ultimately you have to have people you’re comfortable with talking to about the things inside you so that you can get good, reliable feedback outside of the self. Because your self will tend to betray your better judgment without you even realizing it if you haven’t someone to help make you aware of your proclivity to view a situation from what is perhaps not the best angle or clear perspective.
This is why it’s good to seek out at least one “sharp shooter”. A person who’s going to shoot from the hip and tell you things you might not like hearing, but if you truly listen and think about what is being said, you will, invariably, gain more bearing.
White lies; hate’em. Don’t get me wrong, there are appropriate times for them. But they are, in my humble opinion, few and very far between, and i hope for the day when they are rendered obsolete. However, white lies have become a way of life.
The reason for this is due to exactly what I’ve been talking about, avoiding your own personal truths.
When you avoid your own personal truths you will inevitably trick yourself into believing that nobody can handle simple truths, especially when the simple truth is quite complicated. This seems like a contradiction in terms, but I assure you it’s not. And if you were walking in my shoes, you would know why.
My life is made complicated by some very heavy baggage, but I accept the baggage for what it is and move forward to the best of my ability. This is where the simple truth becomes quite complicated; if you’re forced to live your life in a fashion that forces you to reveal embarrassing and intimate details of your life, the simple truth becomes complicated. But being the cold analytical person that I am, I’m going to lay my cards on the table; it’s what I’ve been dealt, no sense trying to avoid it.
The complication is in the depth of the truth. And people generally can’t handle much truth.
The simplicity is in accepting it for what it is and prescribing for yourself a mode of living which allows anyone you might encounter to make a full and conscious decision as to whether they want to accept your truth and move forward in your life or not. Doing this is simple to me, yet maddeningly complicated for most individuals to do in their own life, let alone accepting that i do it in mine.
Don’t be afraid to lean on a friend’s intellect. That’s what they’re there for. But you’ve got to be accessible to the advice they give you or they will grow tired of listening. Make peace with your moments and know when you’re stagnating yourself by recycling the same thoughts and emotions without moving on to a solution, or at the very least, attempting to move toward that solution. Remember that when you’re venting, if you’re only spouting words and not listening to yourself or the person you’re talking to then you’re missing a valuable opportunity to acknowledge your inventory and process a solution.
Inventory + solution = value
Scott David James